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What Being a Stalker Victim Was Like Before It Was a Crime

Shelly Fagan
8 min readJun 9, 2020

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Photo by William Daigneault on Unsplash

I briefly dated a man who stalked me for two years until he was committed to long-term treatment.

There was a time before it was called “stalking”, before the notion of “sexual harassment” and “date rape.”

It was the American heyday of victim-blaming when it was the woman’s fault for dressing provocatively or getting herself into a dangerous situation. The film, Fatal Attraction, managed to bring the subject of male stalking victims to the forefront of popular culture while simultaneously painting them as sympathetic victims. Female victims were not portrayed so kindly.

It was the 1980s and my story took place a decade before California became the first state to adopt a stalking law in the wake of the murder of some high-profile victims.

It Begins in Childhood

Photo by Hello I’m Nik 🎞 on Unsplash

Like most adult women, I have had my share of Mr. Creepies in my life.

My induction into the sisterhood occurred when I was just 11 and a man stopped me and a friend and asked, “anyone want to fuck?” I didn’t know what the word meant.

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Shelly Fagan
Shelly Fagan

Written by Shelly Fagan

Complicated subjects made accessible. Politics, Basic Income, Philosophy. I follow back.

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